Before you begin to assume that I am an expert, let me assure you that I am far from that =) The main reason why I wanted to post a quick blog about this is because it's actually something that I struggled with for many years, but with a lot of work and the right support, I was able to overcome it.
JEALOUSY SUCKS, and you know it, so don't be a SUCKER.
I don't think there is anything wrong with a little jealousy, but if taken to the extreme where it begins to damage yourself on the inside, it can be hurtful to a lot of people around you, but ultimately, it will only hurt YOU (the jealous one) the most.
Jealousy happens everywhere: sports, business, relationships, and family to name a few.
WHY ARE PEOPLE JEALOUS?
Well, that's the million dollar question because there are so many factors that may be involved. I think that it's safe to say that most people who take jealousy to the extreme are the people who probably need the most help, but may also be the ones too afraid to admit it.....oh yeah, that was me.
Jealousy stems from mostly things like insecurity, and not being able to overcome something that happened to you in the past. It's not impossible to overcome, but in order to get passed it, the first step is to make a conscious decision to try.
LET ME GIVE YOU SOME EXAMPLES of how I used to get jealous, and what I did to overcome my negative behavior:
- When my girlfriend seemed to have an interest (not in a intimate way) with another man.
SOLUTION: Know that there are still genuine and kind people out there who just want to be friends, and people will always have the same interests no matter what the gender is. Being a confident man will make your wife or girlfriend respect and love you more than you know.
- When I saw someone who was more healthy and fit than I was.
SOLUTION: They worked hard to get to where they are, and if I wanted to do that, I needed to stop wasting my time being negative, and start being more positive at the gym and my workouts.
- When someone traveled to more places than I did
SOLUTION: Just ask questions or advice as to how they are able to travel as much as they do, and use those tips to help you incorporate that into your life so eventually you can do the same thing.
- When someone was more successful or committed to success than I was
SOLUTION: Again, don't be afraid to ask questions and become an apprentice to learn more. Some of the best education out there is NOT taught in school, it's learned from others who have failed before us and are wiling to help us if we would just open ourselves to being vulnerable.
- When people were hands down more good-looking than I was
SOLUTION: Some people look good on the inside, and some look better on the outside. Judging a book by it's cover is never the best way to look at things. I used to envy this Ferrari that I saw in my neighborhood all the time, come to find out, it was a Kit Car, not the real thing. People and things are not always what it seems. Looks aren't everything, it's what's on the inside that counts.
- When someone has more talent than I do
SOLUTION: Some people are book smart, while some are street smart. It's all about finding out what you're good at, and taking your talents and teaching it to others. Some people may look like they have all the talent in the world, but if they are not using it to make a difference, it will be useless in the future. Whatever you do, be passionate and help others along the way. Talent is nothing without sharing it with others.
So these are just a few examples of what I went through, and some solutions to what I did to overcome them. Now whether you relate to any of this or not, you may be going through your own struggles. If you are, and you are not happy with this negative part in your life, then I encourage you to first start with admitting your faults, that was the hardest part for me because I had such a huge ego problem in the past.
Once you have acknowledged that you have a jealousy issue, just make a point to slowly start understanding and analyzing the situation before making negative assumptions. The negative assumptions again come from insecurity and past experiences, so I encourage you to work past what you are feeling inside, and really work on understanding the positives first. One thing that helped me see more light in a dark situation was just thinking or looking at a photo of my daughter. Thinking of something that makes you smile or happy will more than likely help you eliminate negative thoughts.
Other things that have helped me overcome jealousy was surrounding myself with positive and uplifting people. Specifically, people who actually care about what you do, and encourage you to become better. I started getting serious in my walk with God, and started reading personal and professional development. We all have things that will help us become better in our own way, it's your responsibility to search for these things, and ask loved ones and REAL FRIENDS to help keep you accountable.
WARNING
Whenever you start to make a decision to do BIG THINGS with your life, it's no surprise at all that you will be attacked by people you thought were your friends.
When I started my P90X journey back in 2010, I wanted to get more healthy and fit for me, but also to be there for my daughter for years to come. But when I started working out, some of my friends made fun of me, and told me that I was wasting my time. They didn't support me, and the only encouragement that they gave me was to go drinking at the bar. I mean, "WTF?"
THEN I WOKE UP
Struggle will always be there. Dealing with negative friends, overcoming your ego, and transitioning to a more positive life will take some time, but ask yourself this question, "how important is it for you to be happy?" Happiness is when you are happy for someone else's success and not your own, and if you continue to work hard, you will achieve YOUR SUCCESS, by not comparing yourself with someone else.
THE JOURNEY
.....is long and hard towards living a more happy and healthy life, but as cliche as it can get....it will be worth it. Just know that when people are jealous of you, then you must be doing something right, KEEP DOING IT! hashtag #jelly
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