The Truth About Jealousy And How To Overcome It

Before you begin to assume that I am an expert, let me assure you that I am far from that =) The main reason why I wanted to post a quick blog about this is because it's actually something that I struggled with for many years, but with a lot of work and the right support, I was able to overcome it.

JEALOUSY SUCKS, and you know it, so don't be a SUCKER.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a little jealousy, but if taken to the extreme where it begins to damage yourself on the inside, it can be hurtful to a lot of people around you, but ultimately, it will only hurt YOU (the jealous one) the most.

Jealousy happens everywhere: sports, business, relationships, and family to name a few.

WHY ARE PEOPLE JEALOUS?

Well, that's the million dollar question because there are so many factors that may be involved. I think that it's safe to say that most people who take jealousy to the extreme are the people who probably need the most help, but may also be the ones too afraid to admit it.....oh yeah, that was me.

Jealousy stems from mostly things like insecurity, and not being able to overcome something that happened to you in the past. It's not impossible to overcome, but in order to get passed it, the first step is to make a conscious decision to try.

LET ME GIVE YOU SOME EXAMPLES of how I used to get jealous, and what I did to overcome my negative behavior:

- When my girlfriend seemed to have an interest (not in a intimate way) with another man.

SOLUTION: Know that there are still genuine and kind people out there who just want to be friends, and people will always have the same interests no matter what the gender is. Being a confident man will make your wife or girlfriend respect and love you more than you know.

- When I saw someone who was more healthy and fit than I was.

SOLUTION: They worked hard to get to where they are, and if I wanted to do that, I needed to stop wasting my time being negative, and start being more positive at the gym and my workouts.

- When someone traveled to more places than I did

SOLUTION: Just ask questions or advice as to how they are able to travel as much as they do, and use those tips to help you incorporate that into your life so eventually you can do the same thing.

- When someone was more successful or committed to success than I was

SOLUTION:  Again, don't be afraid to ask questions and become an apprentice to learn more. Some of the best education out there is NOT taught in school, it's learned from others who have failed before us and are wiling to help us if we would just open ourselves to being vulnerable.

- When people were hands down more good-looking than I was

SOLUTION: Some people look good on the inside, and some look better on the outside. Judging a book by it's cover is never the best way to look at things. I used to envy this Ferrari that I saw in my neighborhood all the time, come to find out, it was a Kit Car, not the real thing. People and things are not always what it seems. Looks aren't everything, it's what's on the inside that counts.

- When someone has more talent than I do

SOLUTION: Some people are book smart, while some are street smart. It's all about finding out what you're good at, and taking your talents and teaching it to others. Some people may look like they have all the talent in the world, but if they are not using it to make a difference, it will be useless in the future. Whatever you do, be passionate and help others along the way. Talent is nothing without sharing it with others.

So these are just a few examples of what I went through, and some solutions to what I did to overcome them. Now whether you relate to any of this or not, you may be going through your own struggles. If you are, and you are not happy with this negative part in your life, then I encourage you to first start with admitting your faults, that was the hardest part for me because I had such a huge ego problem in the past.

Once you have acknowledged that you have a jealousy issue, just make a point to slowly start understanding and analyzing the situation before making negative assumptions. The negative assumptions again come from insecurity and past experiences, so I encourage you to work past what you are feeling inside, and really work on understanding the positives first. One thing that helped me see more light in a dark situation was just thinking or looking at a photo of my daughter. Thinking of something that makes you smile or happy will more than likely help you eliminate negative thoughts.

Other things that have helped me overcome jealousy was surrounding myself with positive and uplifting people. Specifically, people who actually care about what you do, and encourage you to become better. I started getting serious in my walk with God, and started reading personal and professional development. We all have things that will help us become better in our own way, it's your responsibility to search for these things, and ask loved ones and REAL FRIENDS to help keep you accountable.

WARNING

Whenever you start to make a decision to do BIG THINGS with your life, it's no surprise at all that you will be attacked by people you thought were your friends.

When I started my P90X journey back in 2010, I wanted to get more healthy and fit for me, but also to be there for my daughter for years to come. But when I started working out, some of my friends made fun of me, and told me that I was wasting my time. They didn't support me, and the only encouragement that they gave me was to go drinking at the bar. I mean, "WTF?"

From Night Life to Fit Life - My Short Story

THEN I WOKE UP

Struggle will always be there. Dealing with negative friends, overcoming your ego, and transitioning to a more positive life will take some time, but ask yourself this question, "how important is it for you to be happy?" Happiness is when you are happy for someone else's success and not your own, and if you continue to work hard, you will achieve YOUR SUCCESS, by not comparing yourself with someone else.

THE JOURNEY

.....is long and hard towards living a more happy and healthy life, but as cliche as it can get....it will be worth it. Just know that when people are jealous of you, then you must be doing something right, KEEP DOING IT!  hashtag #jelly


It's time to get more happy and healthy, get some samples of goodness here:

5 Things People Think I Am, But I'm NOT

Bagan, Myanmar (Burma) - 2015

When I first signed up on Facebook, I was hesitant on sharing my personal life with anyone. I've always been someone who kept to myself, and I could describe myself as an "analyzer" and a "skeptic". I really don't know where that came from, but I believe that it's just a natural instinct for US humans,  "to question things". Maybe if I can just be upfront with you, and tell you that I am a true, extreme INTROVERT, that might better explain things.

Through the years, I've opened up to my friends more and more (and even family), and although it seems like it comes easy for me, it definitely isn't, "openness" actually terrifies me. As life moves on though, responsibilities take over and many people including myself are forced to think out of the box, and do things that are way out of our comfort zones. Change was always scary for me, but as soon as my daughter was born in 1996, my life was forever changed. Let me explain a little.

WHAT CHANGED?
I began driving slower (yes, I am that annoying slow driver, but defensive driving kept my daughter safe), I began to set goals, financial stability became a priority, and more importantly, I began to open up. Why is "opening up" such a BIG DEAL? Well, it isn't a "big deal" for some people, but for me it meant being vulnerable. It meant more opportunity for rejection and negativity, and I hated that. Common or not, I know that I'm not the only one who felt this way either, I guess I just needed someone to show me the POSITIVE sides to the coin, the bigger picture if you will.

Change is scary but I've learned to accept it and adapt. I've had a BAZILLION jobs through my life, mostly in the hospitality industry. At one point, I had one job at a local casino in Tampa, FL and a nightlife marketing business which I built up from ZERO to a 6 figure income business. Once I made a decision to leave the nightlife business (for reasons to better myself as a father) I was forced to work up to 3 jobs at 100 hours per week just to make ends meet. I did that for what seemed like ETERNITY.

I SAID TO MYSELF
Is this really what LIFE is all about? Is happiness and true "TIME FREEDOM" only for the lucky ones?

Hardships is what everyone goes through when they do not want to settle at being so-called "average". And in all honesty, I was comfortable with my life for many of my single, childless years, but once my Princess came into this world, I knew that things had to change. Oh, the single part hasn't changed yet =).

I hit rock-bottom multiple times in the recent years, and I could've easily quit, in fact I did a few times. There were times when I just wanted to go away for good. Yes, I just wanted to go sometimes, why? Because it was just easier. Pretty crazy right, yup...but that's what I went through, and most people don't know about that, again this is why I still feel a little uncomfortable with Facebook sharing. I mean, how much is too much.

Fast forward to PRESENT DAY. I've met some amazing people who have showed me the POSITIVE sides to the coin, and although it may seem like I am living the dream (to some people) I am still working hard everyday to ensure the success and freedom for my family. It's just a never-ending journey, but most definitely something that I look forward too, day in and day out.

WHAT AND WHO AM I TODAY?
I am an humble Entrepreneur who is constantly learning. I am a MINIMALIST, and prefer to own less than more. I run a fitness-related internet company affiliated with an amazing lifestyle brand. I truly believe that TRAVEL is the best education and THERAPY in the world. I started a cause-related media project to raise awareness for charity. But most of all, I am HAPPY. Monetary things (money) means very little to me, but I have a huge understanding on how it can affect our lives, and how important it is in order to grow as a nation, global community, as well as, how it can create a better future for my family.

My HATERS are my MOTIVATORS

SO WHAT ARE THE 5 THINGS THAT MOST PEOPLE THINK I AM, but I'm not?

1.  I AM RICH - Nope, I am a hard-working father just trying to provide for my daughter and my family. I do not take short cuts, and prefer to give more than I make. Does this make me rich? It depends on what your definition of RICH is. I would say that I am rich in happiness, and I would love to meet more people who share the same views.

2.  I AM FIT - For some reason, people think that I am a fitness freak. I am far from that, and by no means is that my goal. I was introduced to obstacle racing by my brother Fermin after finishing multiple rounds of P90X, and I ran competitive for a few years until I accumulated some minor injures and unfortunately found out that my GOUT flare ups were caused mostly by my extreme training methods, so I had to step  down, put my ego aside, and just focus on being the healthiest that I could be. Although I was so upset that I could not race like I did in the past, something GREAT came out of it, and that is the creation of my OCRTUBE media project where I can still feel like I am part of the obstacle course racing community, whilst giving back to the community and making an impact in other people's lives. You see, everything happens for a reason.

3.  I AM A BLOGGER OR FILM PROFESSIONAL - I am a terrible writer/blogger and avoid the lime-light as much as possible. But this is something that I actually force myself to do just to adapt to change, and ultimately learn more about myself. I may NEVER be as fluid as Amelia Boone, Brett Stewart, Rachelanne Gladden, or Margaret Schlachter when it comes to the art of telling stories, and WOW, they are all absolutely amazing, but we all have our strengths and our weaknesses, and I'm not afraid to share mine with anyone, I guess that makes me real?

I make short obstacle racing, fitness, and travel videos/blogs but I've never been to film school, and I'll have you know, that I am my VERY worst critic! But I've learned that it's truly all about believing in the message that you are trying to project, and I am very passionate about what I do. Am I trying to be the BEST blogger, or the BEST filmmaker, or the BEST Coach? Not at all, I am simply trying to "pay it forward" in the way that I know BEST, because that's what others have done for me. #Grateful

Read about my DIGITAL NOMADIC LIFESTYLE

4.  I AM PERFECT - I have had many negative reactions with certain Facebook posts that I have shared. For example: "Why do you workout every day?" "Why are you bragging about your travel adventures?" "Why are you promoting Beachbody all the time?" And the list goes on. When people see my posts, they think that I am living the perfect life. I am always spending time with my family, I am traveling all over the world, and I workout anytime that I want because I have nothing better to do. BUT, here's the thing, I DO NOT LIVE A PERFECT LIFE. In fact, I work very hard at what I do, and it is NOT glamorous by any means. I mean I probably still work 100 hours a week, every week. When I am with my family, I still have to make time to work on my business, or else I will not be able to spend time with them. When I travel, there are tough challenges with racism (yes unfortunately, this still happens, it's pretty sad), filming 8 hours in some of the most remote mountains in the world to have your camera footage stolen. And having the freedom to workout everyday is not always a luxury because mentally I am not always there. I still go through life challenges, I still pay bills, things do not always go MY WAY, because I am a real person just like you. I do not live the PERFECT life, but I just make the BEST of it. For me, a simple life is the best life.

5.  I DO THE IMPOSSIBLE -  "I want to do what you do!!!" I get that all the time. In the back of my mind, I say, "no you don't!" =). What I do and how I live my life is definitely not for everyone. Growing up in a family where "entrepreneurism" was highly-praised over job employment, I learned a lot about being independent. My father went from POVERTY in the Philippines to building a successful restaurant empire. He was not college-educated and learned everything from sheer HARD WORK and street knowledge. So when people tell me that I want to do what you do, BUT I CAN NEVER SELL, OR TALK LIKE YOU DO (really), OR MAKE VIDEOS LIKE YOU, OR WORKOUT LIKE YOU etc. that's not true, because frankly, I never knew how to do any of that, and I'm still learning. What made me decide to learn, accept change, and adapt is because I found my WHY, my purpose if you will. Every successful person that I have met has been driven by their WHY. Once you find out what the most important thing or person in your life, and you combine that with your non-negotiable goal, than you too can do what you once thought was IMPOSSIBLE.

I am still under construction, and I always will be, and frankly, I'm okay with that.

Pakse, Laos

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